100% not offensive but really crap Dad joke thread

I bought my daughter an Iraqi purse for her birthday.

And she went “Thanks for the Bagh Dad”.


I asked a New Zealand colleague of mine how many girlfriends he’d had.

He fell asleep counting.

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What kind of car does an Iraqi dictator drive?

A Sedan Hussain.

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What do you call a blonde who is still in the closet?
Last years hide & seek champion.

If stalks bring children, which birds prevent children?

What do you call a line of people outside a gay bar?

Why should you never take fungi on an airplane?
Because it takes up too mushroom.

Did you know Bruce Lee has a vegan brother?
His names Brocc Lee.

I went to the Kodak store to shoplift. But I couldnt, there were cameras everywhere!

I burnt my Hawaiian pizza the other day.
I should have used Aloha temperature.

What do you call an Indian person who does not identify as any gender?
Naan binary.


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Why are South Africans so good at Rubik’s cubes?

Because they’re used to separating the colours.

I have a friend who writes music about sewing machines. He’s a Singer songwriter. Or sew it seams.


Should have capitlised Singer


Last year I had this great joke about inflation. But it’s hardly worth it now.


What’s the difference between a Vitamin and a Hormone?

You can’t make a Vitamin.