The getting shit off your chest/venting/safe space thread

I’m just reposting this here, dunno if @Jubal can merge it?

But yeah, a safe forum space to vent your feelings/frustrations/moods/ or ask/offer advice. Doesn’t need to be heavy or tough. But there if you need it.

I’m not 100% sure it’s first gear lubrication, but it’s not grind my gears either. I spend 10 minutes coming up with a name for a new thread about getting stuff off your chest, but I couldn’t think of anything witty, so this is going here. I guess this is a ‘safe space’

So I’ve never known by biological father. My existence was the result of a jolly good house party, a few too many alcoholic beverages, some rather moreish illegal substances and the annoying fact that the were no chemists/Woolworths open in the wee hours of the morning sometime in early 1991 for a quick condom trip.

My mother passed away from drug releated issues a few years after I was born, and I was raised by my grandparents along with the man who my mother was dating at the time she passed away. I am not his child, but he took me on as his own, and for all intents and purposes, he’s my Dad, and always will be. He’s also my godfather.

For all of my childhood until my early 20s I never knew anything really about my biological father. Other than the snippets of information I had been fed from my grandparents, extended family on my mums side and my ‘Dad’. My grandparents discouraged me from finding out about him. They held him in a rather low regard, and probably rightly so. My Dad reckons he met him once or twice in the late 80s/early 90s, but given it’s 30 years ago, and that sadly he’s a chronic alcoholic, he doesn’t really remember much.

So yeah, grew up not knowing really anything about him. Dad had thought he was from South America, but couldn’t be sure. We used to have agood chuckle that he may have actually been Diego Maradona, and perhaps my mother met him for the Centenary Cup in '88.

Fast forward to when I’m 24, and I’ve returned from Europe and I’m searching through my documents as the then-girlfriend and I are moving in together, and I find my birth certificate. Up until this point, I’d never really looked at my birth certificate. It’s not something which you really take notice of, until the few times you really do need it. Anyway, I spotted a name on the document under biological father which I had never heard or seen before. A little bit of social media detective work later, and low and behold, I discover him. I initiated a bit of conversation with him, but it’s hard. He didn’t know that my mum had passed away. Esentially, he’d split with her about 6 months after I had been born.

He was born in Cuba, and his family fled Cuba when he was young as his family were political dissidents. They fled to Spain, before re-locating to Australia. His parents moved to Florida in the U.S. in the late-80s, in the hope that the rest of their family that were still in Cuba would flee to the United States. He decided to move to the U.S. shortly after I was born to be closer to his parents.

He now has a wife that has been married to for 20+ years, and I found out I have 2 half brothers and a half sister. All younger than me. The eldest brother, and daughter don’t really want to know me, but that’s understandable and I’m OK with that. The middle brother and I get along like a house on fire. We chat regularly on Facebook messanger. He’s a bit of a wild guy, bit of a redneck. Actually runs his own hovercraft tours company down in the Floria keys. He’s promised to take me out alligator hunting when I go over eventually.

I also discovered that he has now recovered from skin cancer, which he was just getting over when I discovered him. Sadly he couldn’t come out to Australia for our wedding which I did extend an invitation too. I was a bit annoyed by that, not so much that he couldn’t make it, but tried to make amends by offering me money for the wedding. I was annoyed, because that’s not what I was after - it’s a bit late in the play to be offering up child support. I got over it.

Anyways a few months ago, my biological father messages me and asks if I would be OK if he came out to Australia I was/am. This morning he messages me and tells me he’ll be here for two weeks in the back end of next month from the 15th.

I believe it’s just him and his wife. But, I’m exciting. I’m also nervous as fuck. So much to say that is hard to communicate over Facebook messenger. We’ve chatted a few times via Skype, but everything I was to say, it’s got to be face to face. Turns out he’s staying with family friends in Campbelltown, which is Hella convenient as I’m only 15-20 mins from Campbelltown.

I’ve decided I need to write everything down I want to say, and talk about. But yeah, that’s some big news that I now have a date of meeting my biological father. My Dad is cool with it. My grandfather passed away last year, which is probably good because despite being in his mid-90s, frail and mostly imobile I’m sure he’d give throwing a few punches. My grandma sadly is in a nursing home with bad dementia, so thankfully she doesn’t need to meet him.

But yeah, excited, nervous, scared, anxious, just some of the shit that’s flowing out of me right now.

Yeah, didn’t know where to put this, but my psychologist is currently away, and I need to get some shit off my chest. Perhaps that can be the new thread “Getting shit off ya chest”.

As I write this, he’s buying me a Miami FC Messi Jersey too. :joy:


Just to follow up your reply. Sounds like you have a really sensible plan to deal with it.

Understand the reluctance on the eap, but they are not work ones, they’re an external entity of qualified professionals.

Also the scope of this is very narrow and just how to make sure that you have the tools to deal with this one really massive event in your life over the next few weeks and the logistics around it and to manage that. Since it’s a narrow scope it won’t be like going to see a long term psych where you might delve into all parts of your life.

Once again, your are being really pragmatic in your your handling and approach of this really really big moment in your life and I’m sure you will handle it like a champ.


Amazing story @Nath91 - hope that sharing helped

Not a lot I can offer by way of help or advice

Just do what feels right, and make sure you think of you before anyone else


I need to ask though, are you secretly a little disappointed it wasn’t Maradona?


Thought I was watching an episode of Who Do You Think You Are for a second there. What a ride.

Thanks for sharing.

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A little?

Mega disappointed. :laughing:

My ‘Dad’ and I also used to joke that perhaps I was an illegitimate son of Pablo Escobar. However when I didnt inherit a large multinational drug empire at 2 years old that thought became unlikely.

Great thread idea… good on you Nath.

Keep us posted with whatever you feel comfortable with, and I hope it all works out as best as it can.

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Your dad is a great guy!

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That was an intense ride. Good luck with it man!

Also, did anyone else think going gator hunting in swamps was a red flag?

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I thought gator hunting sounded awesome.


Cheers guys for the messages.

I’ll post updates as they come, something to do other than derail other threads with pun wars and simpsons memes. Although I know there’ll be that in here as well.

Just to add juice to this thread, my wife and I are in the process of seperating at the moment too. So yeah, my mental health currently is all over the shop. Probably why I’ve thrown myself into the pun wars so much. Not sure if I’ll elaborate on that but this is what that this threads for, ranting, raving, getting issues off your chest.

Fuck it’s a long off-season.

fuck me… Keep your chin up mate, and take care of yourself


That’s devastating news, particularly given your two ones.

Really sorry to hear that.

I assume it’s because she found out you’re not Maradona’s boy? :wink:


I guess I’m at the opposite end of Nath’s situation.

I’ve been through a marriage and divorce, thankfully no kids or property involved. 90% of the issues were of my doing and the other 10% were the 2 of us just being incompatible.
I’ve long come to terms with that and know that I’m the kind of person that just can’t commit to the responsibilities of a full time relationship. That’s not to mean that I jump on anything that moves, given the chance, I’d much rather go home to an empty house and be celibate for the rest of my life rather than put up with “relationship shit”.

The problem that has arisen is that I’ve started hooking up with a woman who is going through a relationship breakdown.
She’s not long bought a house with the father of her 2 young children and neither can afford to move out or want to due to the kids.

There’s no violence or abuse, they’re just at the point I was at when my marriage broke down, they just don’t want to be together anymore. He sleeps downstairs, her and the kids upstairs.
As much as they think that the kids don’t see what’s going on, they do. There’s a group of us that know the situation and have seen the change in the kids since they’ve been “separated”.
Small town chat, hey! No one knows that we’ve been hooking up though.

We both have feelings for each other but know that the situation or any kind of relationship is not a reality. She’s made that clear and I agree.
I love hanging out with her because I can open up and tell her whatever I want and not be worried, maybe because she’s going through much worse?
Her kids are great and I love the little interactions that we have together but I’m not that person. I don’t want to have to do it every day.
She’s such a great mum and the kids are her life.

I guess at the moment we’re at the “friends with benefits” stage but what happens when that ends? How does it end?
Anyone been through it before?

Also, despite my post in another thread, yeah, we may work together.

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Ideally, where do you both want this relationship to go? If you’re both happy where its at with her marraige broken down, or is more she’s latching out to you as you’re a close friend?

I’m guessing the husband doesn’t know about you two?

Sadly, my marraige has broken down in a similar fashion but we both agree that no one party is at fault. Since the kids were born we haven’t been on a level footing. We both don’t regret having our kids at all, quite the contrary, but we’ve both changed as people and we’re not the same people we were a few years ago.

What hurts the most is that when she left, she gave me a list of things she wanted to see changed. This list which I’ve worked on turned to be all for nought, as I discovered about a month ago she’s been sleeping with a co-worker from her work. I had my suspicions for a while, but I was using our shared laptop and her facebook messenger was logged in, and they were sending flirty suggestive messanges back and forth. The clincher came when he sent her an “after sex selfie” when she had gone home.

Either way, were on the road to seperation and divorce. It hurts, I still love her. Whilst I don’t love who she is and what shes done right now, I still love her deeply. And whilst she’s no longer ‘in love’ with me, she has stated she still loves me and always will. I mean we’ve been together for 14 years. I never thought we’d fall to this. But here we are.

She’s already told me what she wants out of the divorce, and to be fair she doesn’t want much. Mostly what she’s asking for its for the kids benefit. I’ve told her I want shared custody of the kids. 50-50.

We’re being civil with each other (for the most times - there have been arguments) but the kids are definitely affected. They’re living full time atm with her at her parents house. I do get to see them on Tuesday & Thursday nights and get them for a whole day on the weekend. But I’ve noticed they’re both a lot more clingy when I’m around now. It sucks, but thankfully this is happening before they really understand whats happening.

I am hoping that with my new job I’ll be able to have them overnight. I currently am not currently having them at nights because of my hours.

A mate told me I should get back out there and start dating, but lord knows that’s dire. I haven’t ‘dated’ since I met my wife just outside of high school. It’s basically starting all over again. I did try Tinder for shits and giggles for the first time last week, but fuck thats a steaming cesspool of shite.

So yeah. Now having to adjust to being single again, a single dad, and living alone for the first time ever. It’s lonely for sure.


Having gone through a very messy divorce that started amicably, get that 50/50 custody agreement in writing as soon as possible.

I agreed to reduced time because of distance when she moved out and some health issues with her family and it backfired incredibly on me.

In terms of dating - don’t. You’re obviously still processing this, you don’t need the added pressure that modern dating brings. It’s a fucking nightmare. If you need a one night stand, go for it, but getting attached at this point is not a good idea.

Kids are pretty resilient, but don’t be afraid to get them some help if its starting to effect their behaviour, schooling, etc. Same for yourself. Look after yourself.

Just my opinion based on my experience. Here if you need a chat though. Its shit, and worse when there are kids involved.


I hope you took screenshots of the chat for when she changes her mind and starts demanding more and more…

It’s how she found out.

When I say laptop, I meant iPad. Forgot it was linked to her phone which is an iPhone.

Should have just taken photos on my phone, but obviously I wasn’t thinking clearly.

I think she feels somewhat guilty. Whether that’s guilty for her actions or me finding out, who knows.

Honestly some days it doesn’t feel real, and like the whole situation is some bad dream, and then I come home from work, and it’s just me, the cat, a frozen dinner, and watching mindless TV shows because the house is too quiet and I miss the kids.

Couple of weeks ago I took a couple days off work and cleaned the house top to bottom, got boxes from Bunnings and put all her clothes and stuff in them. Re-styled the kids bedroom too. I need to get back into cycling which will be healthier than moping on the TV at night. I stopped after my shoulder injury a couple months ago, and have just come down sick again.


I mean theyre saying Run Clubs are the new dating apps…

Yeah, that involves running though. Benefits, however, is lots of activewear (nods approvingly). Lorna Jane is an appreciable species.

Just waiting until the kids are old enough to start playing football/school and then hit up the single mums :man_shrugging:

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