Nath91
August 30, 2022, 5:45am
195
Did you hear about the cartoonist that was found dead at his home? Police have released a statement, but the details are sketchy.
Last night the missus and I watched two movies back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the TV.
I went to a seafood disco the other night. Pulled a mussel. I was so tired when I got home afterwards, I slept like a log. I woke up the next morning in the fireplace.
I was walking through the mall the other day and passed a new shop called Moderation. They have everything in there!
Did you know that England doesn’t have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
My cat just threw up on the carpet. I don’t think it’s feline well.
Apparently Bunnings Warehouse have a new style of broom for sale. It’s sweeping the nation.
A red cruise ship and a blue cruise ship collided. The survivors are marooned.
2 Likes
Mrs Brown is teaching vocabulary to the kids, with the word of the day being “contagious.”
“I want everyone to use it in a sentence.”
She goes around the class one-by one…
“The virus is contagious,” says Sarah
Mrs Brown gets to Billy.
Mrs Brown looks on perplexed.
Billy continues “He said that’s going to take that contagious.”
7 Likes
A horse walks into a bar and orders a double whisky.
The bar mans says “you are in here pretty often, do you think you may be an alcoholic?
The horse replies “I don’t think I am"- and completely vanishes from existence.
See, the joke is about the philosopher Descartes, who said “I think, therefor I am”
But, to explain that part before the rest of the joke, would be putting Descartes before the horse.
6 Likes
Nath91
September 13, 2022, 6:38am
199
Where are we drawing the line on offensive?
Like, are Prince Andrew jokes allowed?
JC1
September 13, 2022, 10:54pm
201
A wise man once said, “a man who walks sideways through an airport turnstile is probably going to Bangkok”
4 Likes
jubal1
September 15, 2022, 11:34pm
202
I started a band called 1023 Megabytes…
We still havent gotten a gig yet
11 Likes
Nath91
September 16, 2022, 2:32am
203
Local Police arrested two teenage boys overnight who were in possession of a car battery and fireworks.
They charged one and let the other off.
3 Likes
Paulska
September 16, 2022, 6:51am
205
I once had my penis in the Guinness book of records. The librarian told me to take it out
1 Like
Nath91
September 16, 2022, 10:54am
206
If you ask Rick Astley for his copy of the movie ‘Up’, he cannot give it to you as he will never give you up.
This, creating the Astley paradox.
2 Likes
Nath91
September 18, 2022, 10:34pm
207
Wanna see something that’s NSFW?
5 Likes
Nath91
September 20, 2022, 1:54am
208
I was in a car dealership the other day, and I was asking the dealer about cargo space.
He shook his head sadly and replied:
7 Likes
Nath91
September 22, 2022, 11:14pm
209
Local police have reported that somebody is stealing wheels from their Police cars.
Detectives are working tirelessly to catch them.
8 Likes
This morning at 4:30am my neighbour started banging on the wall. Can you believe that? Lucky I was still up anyway playing music.
He banged and shouted “Can we have a bit of respect please?”
I shouted back “I’m not a big Aretha Franklin fan, but, sure, this one’s for you”.
9 Likes
JC1
September 24, 2022, 12:31am
212
Just got home from the World Blindfold Wanking Championships … no idea where I came.
12 Likes
In the 80s I was in a band called Prevention.
We were better than The Cure.
7 Likes
scooter
September 26, 2022, 4:09am
214
I couldn’t work out why the basket ball kept looking bigger………………then it hit me.
6 Likes
