Did you know the B in Benoît B. Mandelbrot stands for Benoît B. Mandelbrot?
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One for the Elvis Costello fans, some brilliant pun work:
James Richardson is the best
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A turtle was out for a walk when two snails mugged him. The police arrived and asked the turtle what happened. “I don’t know,” the turtle replied. “It all happened so fast.”
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Did you know that if you boil a funny bone, it becomes a laughing stock.
That’s humorous.
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The winner of this year’s best joke at the Edinburgh Fringe:
“I tried to steal spaghetti from the shop, but the female guard saw me and I couldn’t get pasta.” - Masai Graham
And the runner up:
“Did you know, if you get pregnant in the Amazon, it’s next day delivery?” - Mark Simmons
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A priest, an imam and a rabbit go into a blood bank. The priest says he’s type A, the imam says he’s type B and the rabbit says he’s probably a type O.
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But how can you B positive?!
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I heard Elton John bought a pygmy rabbit and a running wheel for it a few months ago.
It’s a little fit bunny.
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Fucking love it
The adjective for metal is metallic, but not so for iron, which is ironic.
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More irony; non-hyphenated is hyphenated but hyphenated is non-hyphenated.
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Did you hear about the cartoonist that was found dead at his home? Police have released a statement, but the details are sketchy.
Last night the missus and I watched two movies back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the TV.
I went to a seafood disco the other night. Pulled a mussel. I was so tired when I got home afterwards, I slept like a log. I woke up the next morning in the fireplace.
I was walking through the mall the other day and passed a new shop called Moderation. They have everything in there!
Did you know that England doesn’t have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
My cat just threw up on the carpet. I don’t think it’s feline well.
Apparently Bunnings Warehouse have a new style of broom for sale. It’s sweeping the nation.
A red cruise ship and a blue cruise ship collided. The survivors are marooned.
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Mrs Brown is teaching vocabulary to the kids, with the word of the day being “contagious.”
“I want everyone to use it in a sentence.”
She goes around the class one-by one…
“The virus is contagious,” says Sarah
“My nan says laughter is contagious,” yells David.
Mrs Brown gets to Billy.
“My dad saw our neighbour cutting his lawn with a whipper snipper…”
Mrs Brown looks on perplexed.
Billy continues “He said that’s going to take that contagious.”
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A horse walks into a bar and orders a double whisky.
The bar mans says “you are in here pretty often, do you think you may be an alcoholic?
The horse replies “I don’t think I am"- and completely vanishes from existence.
See, the joke is about the philosopher Descartes, who said “I think, therefor I am”
But, to explain that part before the rest of the joke, would be putting Descartes before the horse.
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Where are we drawing the line on offensive?
Like, are Prince Andrew jokes allowed?
Refer to this and then decide.
What happened to the offensive jokes thread? - Never Mind the Bllcks - SFCU Forum
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