are we able to take the makers of tennis puns to court?
Please don’t take me to Margaret, whatever you do. I don’t need her giving me a grand slam.
Tesla founder Elon Musk is originally from South Africa, which I find strange
I’d have thought he was from Mad-at-gas-car
4 Likes
How do you find a blind man at a nudist beach?
It isn’t hard.
Remember when plastic surgery was a taboo topic?
Now you mention Botox, and nobody raises an eyebrow.
Two years ago, my doctor told me I was going deaf.
I haven’t heard from him since.
My landlord told me they need to talk to me about how high my electricity bill always is.
I told him, my door is always open.
A mate of mine was hospitalized after a freak accident playing peekaboo with his kid.
They put him in the ICU.
Which celebrity is always ready for cereal?
Reece with her spoon.
I went to McDonald’s are ordered two large fries. Instead they came me about 75 tiny ones.
I ran out of toilet paper, so I’ve been using old newspapers to wipe with.
Yeah, the times are rough.
3 Likes
I asked my date if she wanted to meet me at the gym at 1pm. She never showed up.
That’s when I realized we weren’t going to work out.
Did you hear about the guy who got his coffee stolen?
He got mugged.
I’m telling everyone I can about the benefit of eating dried grapes.
It’s about rasin awareness.
What vegetable makes the best detective?
Carrots. They always get to the root of the problem.
A man knocked on my door today saying he’s taking donations for the local swimming pool.
I gave him a glass of water.
1 Like
What’s a kidnappers favourite shoe?
White Vans.
3 Likes
Diarrhea is hereditary. It runs in your jeans.
What do you call a magician who has lost his magic?
Ian.
Last night my wife asked for some peace and quiet while she cooked.
So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.
I have two unwritten lines.
1:_______________________
2:______________________
I’ve decided to stop wearing glasses.
I’ve seen enough.
2 Likes
That’s not really a joke as much as a list of things I want
1 Like
What kind of Doctor was Dr Pepper?
A fizzition.
Obstetrician: Hi I am the obstetrician on call. I’m going to deliver your baby.
Woman: No I’d prefer the baby with a liver, thanks.
5 Likes
What does a robot do after sex?
He nuts and bolts.
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A big corporation recently hired several cannibals in the interest of cultural diversity. “You are all part of our team now,” said the HR rep during the welcoming briefing. “You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don’t eat any of the other employees.”
The cannibals promised they would not. Four weeks later, their boss remarked, “You’re all working very hard and I’m satisfied with you. However, one of our shipping clerks has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?” The cannibals all shook their heads no.
After the boss left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, “Which one of you idiots ate the shipping clerk ?” A hand rose hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals continued, “You fool — for 4 weeks we’ve been eating managers and no one noticed anything. But NOOOO, you had to go and eat someone who actually does something!”
4 Likes
My wife has been missing for a week now, and the police said I should prepare for the worst.
So I went to Vinnies and got all her stuff back
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When my father dies, he asked that his ashes get pressed into a record
It’s his vinyl request
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A white student in America has recently been arrested after video surfaced of her racially attacking a pair of black students.
She’s been charged with impersonating a police officer
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What’s Peter Pan’s favourite place to eat out?
Wendy’s.
5 Likes
My wife is annoyed I don’t buy her flowers
I had no idea she was a florist
2 Likes