What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
Lickolotopuss.
If money doesn’t grow on trees, why do banks have brances.
My wife said she has 14 reasons to leave me, along with my obsession with tennis.
I replied “thats fifteen, love”.
I have an issie with my printer playing music.
Turns out the paper was jammin’.
Im not saying im attractive. But everytime I go into the bathroom and take off my clothes, I turn the shower on.
I had the best childhood. One of my favourite memories was when my dad used to roll me down hills in tyres.
Those were GoodYears.
What kind of flour do Orphans use to bake bread with?
self raising flour
My four year old cannot say please in spanish
thats pour for four
almost…
Again??
I started a nightclub for guys with erectile dysfunction.
It was a total flop and nobody came.
That’s your own fault, a soft launch was never going to work.
The idea was unsound, if you can’t get up, how can you get down?
To be fair, nobody said they felt like they’d been stiffed.
I sold someone some cannabis the other day. When he handed over his money, I asked “anything else?”
He said “an’ a gram of cocaine please mate”
I paused for a minute before saying with uncertainty … “Oceanic?”
No need to go so hard on him… You could just erect a monument to his downfall. The joke failed to stand to attention, but at least it wasnt premature!
My mate’s stutter is so bad, by the time he’d told us his Nana had died, we were all singing Hey Jude
When does a dad joke become a daddy joke?
When he comes.
What are the three shortest words in the English language?
Is it in?
What kind of letters do femanists send?
Hate mail.
What do you call a woman who has a peanut allergy?
Anna Phlaxis.
I made a website for orphans.
It doesnt have a home page.
Alter the first one from feminists to misandrists and it’s got my vote 
What’s a terrorists favourite seat on a plane?
C4
Why don’t boxers have sex before big fights?
They don’t like each other
What’s the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?
Iron Man is a Superhero while Iron Woman is a command!
