100% not offensive but really crap Dad joke thread

As spring carnival is around the corner, a physicist friend of mine has a 100% accurate method for tipping horse races.

Problem is it only works for spherical horses in a vacuum.

3 Likes

What did Mario say to Princess Peach when he broke up with her?

It’s not you. IT’S A-ME, A-MARIO!


What do you call 2 Mexican guys playing basketball?
Juan on Juan

How do you organise a space party?

You planet


Where do baby cats learn to swim?
The kitty pool.


What do you call a cow that plays the guitar?
A moosician


Have you heard of the new sport called quiet tennis?

Its like normal tennis but without the racquet


I like that one

People who bleach their butthole, are just changing their ringtone.

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Youre telling me. I’ve got this kiwi mate, i asked him how many sexual partners he’d had. He started adding it up in his head, next thing i know he’d fallen asleep!

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Old statisticians never die. They just get broken down by age and sex.

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I just want everyone to know that I endorse Podiums

After all, that’s a product I can stand behind

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I was at the airport and saw a person passed out on a baggage carousel.

Thankfully she came around

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I just found out my father was a mime.

He never spoke to me about it.

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First time I read that, I thought it said mine. That would have been explosive news

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I thought he was part of the underground movement.

you’re just digging a whole for yourself

I’m just entrenching my position.

That’s just boring.

When you die, your pupils are the last thing to stop working.

They dilate.

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What borders on stupidity?

Mexico and Canada

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I give 50% of my wage to charity

But if she’s not working it’ll go to destiny or Mercedes

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Whats a pornstars favourite drink?

A 7 up in cider cocktail, hold the tail.

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