As spring carnival is around the corner, a physicist friend of mine has a 100% accurate method for tipping horse races.
Problem is it only works for spherical horses in a vacuum.
As spring carnival is around the corner, a physicist friend of mine has a 100% accurate method for tipping horse races.
Problem is it only works for spherical horses in a vacuum.
What did Mario say to Princess Peach when he broke up with her?
It’s not you. IT’S A-ME, A-MARIO!
How do you organise a space party?
You planet
Where do baby cats learn to swim?
The kitty pool.
What do you call a cow that plays the guitar?
A moosician
Have you heard of the new sport called quiet tennis?
Its like normal tennis but without the racquet
I like that one
People who bleach their butthole, are just changing their ringtone.
Youre telling me. I’ve got this kiwi mate, i asked him how many sexual partners he’d had. He started adding it up in his head, next thing i know he’d fallen asleep!
Old statisticians never die. They just get broken down by age and sex.
I just want everyone to know that I endorse Podiums
After all, that’s a product I can stand behind
I was at the airport and saw a person passed out on a baggage carousel.
Thankfully she came around
I just found out my father was a mime.
He never spoke to me about it.
First time I read that, I thought it said mine. That would have been explosive news
I thought he was part of the underground movement.
you’re just digging a whole for yourself
I’m just entrenching my position.
That’s just boring.
When you die, your pupils are the last thing to stop working.
They dilate.
What borders on stupidity?
Mexico and Canada
I give 50% of my wage to charity
But if she’s not working it’ll go to destiny or Mercedes
Whats a pornstars favourite drink?
A 7 up in cider cocktail, hold the tail.