I swallowed a large number of synonyms last week. I now have thesaurus throat I have ever had.
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Bought a traditional real Christmas tree this year.
I named it Amy Winehouse, because it’s just going to die and leave needles everywhere.
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Peruvian owls always hunt in pairs.
It’s because they are Inca hoots.
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Nicklebacks Chad Kroeger loves appearing in nativity plays. He’s played a Shepard, an inn keeper, and even the back end of a donkey.
But he’s never made it as a wise man.
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Why did the condom fly around the corner?
It was pissed off.
What falls down, but never gets hurt?
Rain.
Why couldn’t the baker afford a new car?
He didn’t make enough dough.
What did the oreganos name their kid?
Herb.
Why didn’t the rooster cross the road?
He was chicken.
Why did the mother clam scold her children?
They were being shellfish.
What do you call a sleeping male cow?
A bulldozer.
Whats a kites favourite instrument?
The strings.
What did the $1 coin name its kid?
Buck.
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Did you hear about the fast bowler who had triplets?
He got a hat-trick with just two balls.
/Brett Lee.
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So I was reading up, the other day, about Pawel Edmund Strzelecki. For those of you that don’t know him, he’s a Polish explorer who went throughout Eastern and Southern Australia exploring the ranges. He climbed Australia’s highest peak (naming it Mount Kosciuszko), before proceeding south and discovering Gippsland, creating the first maps of the area. He then went to Tasmania where he proceeded to explore and map the entire island in the ensuing years.
With his work, he wrote one of the most extensive surveys of Eastern Australia of it’s time, receiving aclaim from the likes of Charles Darwin and later, received a knighthood. The man was a self taught geologist, explorer and even acknowledges that Aboriginals had the exact same concepts of tradition and ownership as shared by Europeans.
What does my head in the most about him though, is the fact that he’s a Polish explorer. I was always of the understanding that compasses don’t work around the poles
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Dudeeeeeeeeee. Nice though
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A young boy was told by his mother that he must never touch a womans private parts, because they have teeth down there.
Years later as a young adult the boy meets a girl and they begin a relationship. However after a while the girl is beginning to get frustrated at her boyfriends lack of sexual progression within the relationship. She decides one evening to broach the subject.
“Why whenever we are making out, you never touch me? I’d love it if you did”.
“My mother told me to never touch a girl down there because girls have teeth down there” the boy replies.
“What?! Thats ridiculous!” The girl exclaims. “Here, let me show you”.
The girl strips completely naked and spreads her legs wide, giving the young man an extremely intimate view. “See, no teeth at all” she says.
The young lad crouches down, and peers closely between her legs curiously before replying “No wonder, look at the state of your gums”.
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A traveling salesman knocks on a door and a ten year old boy answers the door wearing a silk rob, smoking a cigar, and drinking scotch.
The salesman says, “Woah. Hey, little fella. Are you parents home?”
The boy answers, “What the fuck do you think?”
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Niiiiiiiiice
Yeah, I’m not flying Pakistan Airways.
Their one-way fares completely blow their competitors out of the Sky. Around September, their prices just plummet out of the sky.
Their frequent flyer program is just the bomb.
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Roses are marvellous
Violets are glorious
Never lock a bathroom
From Oscar Pistorious
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So after Elon Musk’s Seig Heil performance at the Orange Arsehole’s inauguration, it’s being reported that thousands of Teslas are being returned all across the US as faulty due to a steering issue.
They keep pulling to the Reich.
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