I’m pretty sure it’s because she’s gone
An Ancient Roman walks into a bar and orders a martinus.
The bartender says: “A martinus? What’s that? Do you mean a martini?”
To which the Roman replies: “what are you talking about? I only want one!”
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No matter how kind you are, German children will always be kinder.
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The man who invented the throat lozenge died last week
There was no coffin at his funeral
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Over 100 years ago a couple of brothers thought they could fly.
Turns out they were Wright.
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If you know what a metaphor is, then you know it is better than a metathree but not as good as a metafive.
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I came into some cash recently. There weren’t any tissues nearby.
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I’ve just come home from the world blindfolded wanking championship.
I have no idea where I came.
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Feel like it’s appropiate to post this here. A Fire & Rescue firefighters obviously had permission to post this to social media, but it’s a real job printout. 
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Putting shit on the bushies never gets old 
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks “Can I get you anything?” The horse replies “I think not,” a promptly disappears.
If you don’t get it, it’s important to first understand that the French philosopher Descartes famously said, “I think, therefore I am.” So when the horse said “I think not,” then he could no longer be.
I guess I could have explained all of that before I told the joke, but that would be putting Descartes before the horse.
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How do you think the unthinkable? With an itheberg.
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While working at the Dove & Olive I served a Priest.
No punchline, no weird order, just a normal transaction.
Never been so disappointed in my life.
Did he order the little boys as an entree?
The nuts were complimentary.
He was probably waiting for a minister and a rabbi to turn up before the shennanegans commenced.
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I was walking through the graveyard earlier today, when I saw a man get up from behind a gravestone
“Morning” I said
“No, just having a shit” he replied
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What’s grey and comes in pints?
Elephants.
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