There was a stampede at the boat shop when they started selling discounted paddles. It was quite an oar deal.
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A gang of thieves stole the wheels from a cop car. Police are working tirelessly to catch them.
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Vandals have broken into a home and stolen valuable watches from the owner. The only evidence left behind was a timepiece that had fallen on the floor.
Police are working around the clock to find those responsible.
One day God calls down to Noah and says, “Noah me old mate, I want you to make me a new Ark”.
Noah replies, “No probs God, me old Supreme Being, anything you want after all you’re the boss…
But God interrupts, “Ah, but there’s a catch. This time, I do not want just a couple of decks, I want 20 decks one on top of the other”.
“20 DECKS!”, screams Noah. “Well, OK Big Man, whatever you say. Should I fill it up with all the animals just like last time?”
“Yep, that’s right, well . . sort of right . . this time I want you to fill it up with fish”, God answers.
“Fish?” queries Noah.
“Yep, fish . . well, to make it more specific Noah, I want carp wall to wall, floor to ceiling Carp!”
Noah looks to the skies. “OK God my old mucker, let me get this right, You want a New Ark?”
“Check”.
“With 20 decks, one on top of the other?”
“Check”.
“And you want it full of Carp?”.
“Check.”
“Why?” asks the perplexed Noah, who was slowly but surely getting to the end of his tether……….
“Dunno”, says God, “I just fancied a Multi-Storey Carp Ark.”
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Dude.
Where’s my carp?
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Well played sir
What does a glory hole and a police hotline have in common?
Anonymous tips.
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What do you call a melon that can’t get married?
A cantaloupe!
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It took me about 2 days to get this joke.
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This one time my mum caught me wanking over a Magic Eye book and all I could say in the embarrassment and shame was “it’s not what it looks like”
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I told my wife that she looks sexier with her hair back.
Apparently that was the wrong thing to say to somebody undergoing chemo.
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Whats the biggest city in America?
Obesity.
I got so high the other night, I gave my cat cocaine.
We did a Felines.
What’s a racists favourite porn site?
OnlyClans.
Why did Trump ban shredded cheese?
He wants to make America grate again.
Why do Germans love Americans?
Because now they’re the most hated people in the world.
I think you mean OnlyKlans
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OnlyClans is more your classic kilt porn
2 Likes
I read it as OnlyClams for some reason
Same thing.
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As a history buff, that movie annoys me more than it should