And its not a one off…
Just fuck off and die you cunt
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Did you have a good trip?
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The only thing worse than the people who post that stuff is the echo chamber of wannabe motivational speakers who chime in afterwards. Imagine having so little going on that you feel the need to engage in that community
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I never post on LinkedIn, and in fact I generally avoid even opening LinkedIn as that is usually the trigger for them to resume incessantly spamming me.
Reminds me of the old joke about the man marooned on a desert island for years, when one day he finds a message in a bottle washed up on the beach.
He smashes the bottle on a rock and unfurls the scrap of paper inside, only to find it contains a riddle.
Unable to solve it, months go by with the man thinking about it every waking hour, until finally, the answer comes to him and the riddle is solved, revealing the presence of a buried treasure chest somewhere on the island.
Many more months go by, searching daily every square inch of the island, until finally he locates the chest, but its locked with a heavy padlock.
Weeks go by as he tries using basic rocks and sticks fashioned into makeshift tools to break the lock until finally one day it eventually gives way.
With great excitement, he lifts the lid of the chest and peers inside to see what it contains.
Inside he finds another tiny scrap of paper, rolled tightly into a small ball.
Very carefully, he uncrumples the delicate piece of paper until the words written on it become clear:
Please add me to your LinkedIn network
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My CEO, who is only CEO of the company because her dad retired and promoted her over the other much more capable candidates, is obsessed with LinkedIn, it’s like she’s joined a cult.
Constantly talking about it, going to their events and whenever we have a training/sales day she always flies over some fucking weird LinkedIn expert who come across as crypto-bro/pyramid scheme type people. 2 years ago she said she had an exciting Christmas present for us all. We were all hoping to receive a nice bonus or something but instead she sent us all a book some LinkedIn influencer wrote about his career on LinkedIn.
So I’m the only male in my team of 5 in my office.
Now the girls are generally pretty good. We all share excellent, often inappropriate humour and get along just fine.
Walk into the office this morning and they decide that because its 1 November, it’s officially Christmas.
The office spotify is already playing Mariah Carey all I want for Christmas.
I have had 3 sips of my coffee this morning. Somebody might die, or I’m just going to Liam Payne myself.
Yeah that can fuck off until December 1st. I am looking forward to hot cross buns on January 1st though.
Blast some Diwali music at full volume
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Now I’m not a legal expert, but my understanding is that Courts will be strongly inclined to uphold innocence in these cases
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You’ve not been to the supermarket on Boxing Day recently, have you?
I listened to that that song for a good 8 hours straight whilst editing a freelance video job. Ive poured through it beat by beat whilst syncing it up to a bunch of corporates lipsyncing.
I now genuinely just hear it as white noise.
Oh shit is it that early? Even better!
I always thought it was NYD
Another dickhead is in the news for being in royal Perth hospital after crashing a motorbike in Bali and getting fucked up.
They needed a go fund me campaign to fly him home.
Darwin Awards are best awards.
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Melbourne Cup.
I just don’t give a shit about the race at all. I’m not anti horse racing or anti gambling, but just people all coming out on the race being like "who you betting on and thinking they’re Tom Waterhouse - and just as annoying.
Maybe if we had a public holiday for it I’d care more, but honestly couldn’t gove a shit about the day, let alone the race.
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I didn’t realise it was on until this morning
Then there are also the people who come out as being extremely and vocally against the Melbourne Cup and horse racing, saying #NuptotheCup and letting everyone know how passionate they are about the wrongs of the horse racing and gambling industry…
And then tomorrow they move on and don’t think about it until next year’s Melbourne Cup.
Unlike those once a year hashtag jumpers, I am vocally and actively anti-Melbourne all year round.
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