I saw this on the tram this morning, couldn’t help it.
So, for some reason, I went back into the hot mess that is The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones. I made it most of the way through Clones before I realised it was way past my bedtime and the story still sucks.
But, I did figure out how Lucas should have written the damn thing betterer.
Phantom proceeds as per normal until the liberation of Nabooooo with the addition of Kenobi and Padme making come fuck me eyes at each other every oppo. Kenobi is a mess at the end after the death of Qui-Gon Jinn (totes had to google that speelin) and Padme comforts him. He leaves for Jedi stuff unaware that his potent Jedi sperm has impregnated the delectable Padme. Movie ends etc.
Rise of the Mess that is the rise of the clones. Bump that back 16-18 years instead of the 10 years later that is. Movie proceeds as is until they get back to Naboo and Anakin discovers Padme’s highly desirable daughter who is the progeny of Padme and Kenobi’s comfort banging.
Padme Jr, we’ll call her Karen, is a spoilt little bitch with a dark and manipulative streak. Karen starts feeding Anakin’s resentment at his treatment by the Council and Kenobi. He falls for her etc etc.
Then in Revenge of the Hot Mess, Anakin’s love interest is Karen instead of Padme and we can avoid the disturbia of Padme lusting after a 6 year old kid whilst presumably in her 30s.
Looking at Wookipedia I get the impression Padme was 14 years old when elected Queen (elected queen, wtf?). Yeah, I don’t buy that.
It just cleans up the timelines a bit, removes the disturbing aspects of the Padme-Anakin relationship and adds in the hidden twist of KENOBI IS LUKE AND LEIA’S GRANDFATHER!
Just send me my Oscar now.
The prequels get a lot more love from fans these days. I was at a good age when they came out and still enjoyed them.
Lots of new content announced for Disney + the other day. Some sounds better than others. Im looking forward too these ones most.
I’m less keen on Rangers of the New Republic and another young Lando show. There are also a couple of animated shows and a Rogue Squadron movie which is set post episode 9. Sounds a bit shit.
Question re Mandalorian Season 2…
Does it strike anyone else as strange that Ashoka has turned up in Mandalorian, which is apparently set after ROTJ, but she wasn’t in any of the preceding movies? I know the preceding movies are the original trilogy, but if she survived the clone wars and the killing off of all the Jedi, then surely she would have popped up or been known about somewhere in there.
Or have I missed something?
I would further expand on the logistics behind galactic trade and the intricacies of politics in a galaxy with so many civilizations.
Give me a show like ‘The Office’ or ‘IT Crowd’ but in the Star Wars universe.
While the Jedi and the Sith battle over the fate of the universe, someone has to be there to ensure the lights are on and the hologram systems get maintained.
Patty Jenkins doing Rogue Squadron is going to be shit hot
I generally just watch the prequels and original trilogy by machete order these days. It means I don’t have to acknowledge that Phantom Menace existed, because its not part of the machete order at all. If I want to watch something with Darth Maul in it, I can watch Clone Wars instead.
Also look up on Youtube the “What if Episode 1 was good?”, “What if Episode 2 was good?”, and “What if Episode 3 was good?” videos by Belated Media if you haven’t previously. The alternatives provided in those videos were interesting.
I can’t help but feel the prequel trilogy is only seen more favourably now because its probably better than the sequel trilogy. That should not be seen as an achievement.
Even with ep 9 being rubbish, the sequel trilogy is infinitely better than the prequels.
See I hated the sequel trilogy. I’ve stated it before, but the sequel trilogy just makes everything in the original completely and utterly pointless. With the Emperor dead, the vast Imperial fleet suffering and the Jedi rising, they should have shown the Rebellion as a rising power. Instead, they’ve shown the Rebellion with even less resources and ships than before, struggling to survive. Everything that they fought for previously, essentially came to nothing as they didn’t build on anything. You already had the sequence set. 1-3 downfall of the senate and rise of the Empire. 4-6 downfall of the Empire and rise of the Rebellion.
7-9 should have been used to set up the rise of the Order, fighting against the New Republic. They should have made the story about the downfall of Kyle Ren, that way, they could have made an extra 3 trilogy, in which the audience would have been at least slightly invested in the Republic and want to see hem survive. Instead they’ve cut out a huge story arc and just expect people to go with it.
To be honest, it feels like they cut large, important parts of the sequel trilogy story on purpose to make people buy books, TV shows or other media that will fill in the missing gaps. Or of course, making another movie to fill in those gaps. Its the kind of exploitation that leaves a bitter taste in my mouth, that’s for sure.
For me, The sequel trilogy isn’t even in the same galaxy as the prequels. Episodes 8 and 9 were so bad that they have made me less enjoy the original trilogy and star wars in general.
The Mandalorian is bringing me back though.
I feel like im in the minority, but 8 was distinctively bad. The whole fuel issue and the fact that the rebels were easily coming and going from the command ship just annoyed the hell out of me. Following with the fact that the escape ships somehow couldn’t escape into hyperspace after scattering into multiple directions just didn’t make sense.
The fuel thing pissed me off no end. They couldn’t build drama from that for 2 hrs. Battlestar Galactica build drama around running out of fuel for 4 seasons of television!
Rogue 1 is the only movie to successfully recreate the simple joy of the first three movies. Mainly by simply returning to Black hat/white hat simplicity.
Also, how the fuck is bringing Darth Maul back a good thing? There’s way too much Deus Ex Machina there.
You know, I used to like star wars because it was just 6 movies, with optional books that only the nerds cared about.
Now it’s 11 movies and 1 tv show, with more of both to come. It’s a bit too Marvel for me. Sure, all those extra shows are as optional as those aforementioned nerd books, but it’s definitely lost some of its shine.
Definitely not in the minority. Episode 8 is hated my numerous fans. I think 8 also derailed episode 9.
For what its worth. I’ve read all the books and they don’t really add much to the sequel trilogy. A few little tidbits here and there, but nothing critical.
Animated shows like Rebels and Clone Wars are heavily related to the Mandalorian though. I dont always like everything Dave Filoni does, but he certainly has a plan for star wars going forward. He is very much the Marvel Kevin Feige for Star Wars. Thats not something Disney had with the sequels.
I agree that too much Star Wars can lose its shine. The 3 trilogies were generational movies, that had huge excitement and anticipation around each of them.
ep 8 is the best one you weirdos
freak